Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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