Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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