Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
