just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
