I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Green mimosas i think yes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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