Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
