I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
