is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
