Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
