my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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