Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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