she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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