Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The power of my boobs compel you
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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