i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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