I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
