I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
