dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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