i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
