Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
