Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Randomize
