Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
