I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
