I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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