the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
