farters have to be the big spoon...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
