So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
