yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I look better un-naked...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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