broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
