A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
