I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
