This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
