Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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