I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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