just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I understand Curling. That high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Randomize
