No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
