I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
