Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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