Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
