I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
