if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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