I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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