I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
