I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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