Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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