well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
