god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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