I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
