i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
