Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
