Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
