I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish you could order shots online.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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