that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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